Before there was you
by almuvira
Summary: Mary Alice Brandon, her life before Jasper and the Cullens.


"Ruth Brandon

"Ruth Brandon?" I heard the formal male voice ask.

"Yes, are you here to see –" My mother couldn't muster the strength to say my name. I had seen about five doctors in the past week and none could tell what was wrong with me. My sudden black-outs had become more and more frequent, but instead of the usual dreams all I saw was black, then unintelligible voices, and more black.

"Is she up there?" The doctor asked my mother, I didn't hear her reply, and so I guessed that she just nodded. I heard their loud footsteps on the staircase. Suddenly I felt the cold timber of my floor underneath my hands and everything went black, then bright flashes of blue and an excruciating sample of an electrical shock, then blackness again. I felt a cold hand on my forehead and opened my eyes to see a pale face, I blinked my eyes to clear the haze and saw a pair of concerned, impossibly golden eyes looking down at me.

"Alice?" My mother whispered, "Is everything alright?" She asked. She knew what had just happened, I told her about what I had seen the first time I had a blackout like this. On the way home from school my best friend Margaret and I were walking, laughing when suddenly I felt dizzy, everything became blurry and I felt myself fall to the ground. I thought I was unconscious, and was somehow dreaming a very realistic dream of my father getting into a car wreck. Eventually I awoke to find Maggie staring down at me, just as this doctor was staring at me now, concerned and also frightened. I told Maggie about the weird dream I had, and we both decided it was just that, a dream. When I came inside my house I found my mother in a ball on the floor sobbing and my five-year old sister staring at her, two feet away with horror-struck eyes.

"What is it Cynthia?" I had asked, the image of my father playing in front of my eyes. It couldn't be. My mother could be upset about anything. But I had never seen my mom cry, never seen her so loose and emotional.

"I—I—don't know Alice, I'm scared." My sister began crying as well. I picked her up into my arms and walked over to my mother.

"Take Cynthia to the Pendalls' house, please, Mary." My mother used my first name. I looked at Cynthia and said in what I hoped would be an enthusiastic voice,

"Come on Cynth, want to go play with their new dog?" Taking one last worried look at my mother she looked back at me and nodded. I returned home and saw my mother sitting in the kitchen with a piece of raw steak and a steak knife sitting in front of her on the bare table, staring into space.

"Momma?" I said, slowly walking towards her. "Momma what happened?"

My mother just continued to stare into space.

As I reached to touch her shoulder she made a sharp intake of breath and looked at the steak. Then in a quick movement she grabbed the knife and began cutting.

"We need to get dinner ready, Mary, it's almost five." She said cutting fiercely. I could tell it wasn't safe for her to have such a sharp object in her hand.

"Momma, is everything alright?" I asked, she just continued to cut. I took a chance, I didn't know what made me do it but I asked, "Is dad alright?" At this she dropped the knife and began sobbing, I put everything away and sat down next to her. "Did he get into a car crash?" I didn't know what was making me keep asking, but some part of me believed the dream I'd had was not just a dream.

She looked up at me with red questioning eyes, "How?" was all she managed to croak out. I told her the story about my blackout. This made her cry harder.

I had another blackout in front of my mom a few days later. "What?" she asked, I knew she wanted to ask i_What did you dream?_ /i

"Pendalls' dog." I said, I couldn't say anymore, the beautiful golden retriever puppy's lifeless body made me want to throw up.

The next time I blacked out my mother sent for a doctor, and that was how this pattern began. A doctor would come, examine me, realise that he had no idea what was wrong, and would refer my mother to another doctor or specialist. My blackouts became more frequent, but this time everything would go black, I would regain consciousness screaming, trying to get out of the abyss. Today was the first time I had felt the pain of an unknown electrical shock.

"Mary Alice Brandon?" The handsome doctor asked.

"Y-yes." I managed to stutter, getting over the pain, and the shock of his eyes.

"How many fingers am I holding up Miss Brandon?" He asked putting up two long pale fingers.

"Two." I said sitting up. Though as I did this I felt another dizziness coming on and felt his cold

hands ease me to the ground. Two bright crimson eyes on a pale face stared at me hungrily, I saw a leap then I heard two boulders colliding, and this time, instead of an electrical shock I felt a fire burning inside of me. I screamed out in pain.

"Alice?" He said using my middle name, just as my mother had done. His cool hands helped ease the remains of the memory of the fire away. "I think I have to agree with Dr. Dempson, she will need to go to the hospital, where we can keep a closer eye on her, and get her cured sooner." He said solemnly to my mother. I was actually ecstatic at the idea of being cured, the hospital might actually rid me of my blackouts and I'd be normal again, I thought hopefully as I felt a needle being injected into my arm.

I awoke to find myself in a plain white room; it took me a while to register the memories of the day before, and for the confusion to sink in. This was not what a hospital looked like, and I remembered being put to sleep. How did I get here? Suddenly I blacked out and felt that excruciating electrical pain again, only this time when I regained consciousness it did not subside, but continued, a hundred times worse, then stopped abruptly leaving me a heap on the ground.

"Now Mary, do you feel more awake?" A sickly sweet female voice sounded from somewhere near me. I couldn't lift my eyelids to see who had been the bringer of such pain. "Don't worry, you won't have to get used to it if your little blackouts begin to stop." She said to me. So I was considered insane enough to receive shock treatment. I didn't want to say anything to her, as much as I wanted answers I could not make myself converse with the woman who had become the devil in my eyes. I slipped into unconsciousness, but this time it was more like sleep. I kept slipping in and out of this state for what felt like weeks, sometimes I heard someone near me, sometimes I would fall into that dreaded blackness again.

"Alice," the angelic voice called as I started becoming more awake. I opened my eyes to see the familiar face, this could be no angel; _he_ was the one who told my mother it would be best to come here. I wanted to scream at him but something made me stop, and as he reached for me I felt myself blackout again. This time I saw those two sinister crimson eyes again, and then a small shock rippled through my body, before stopping much sooner than the first one had done.

"Nurse Matthews, I would like to be alone with Alice now please." I heard that voice again. As I opened my eyes I saw him staring curiously at me. "What did you see Alice?" he asked, he used my middle name, unlike the Nurse.

"A pair of bright red eyes." I heard my weak voice answer him, to my surprise he gasped, horror flickering over his face, before his expression turned to curious once more.

"Anything else, dear?" He asked.

"No." I replied. Why was he so curious about my blackout dreams, when the Nurse was so eager to cause me pain whenever I had one? Then in a movement, too quick and too graceful for a man his size he was up and out of my room. I saw Nurse Matthews enter again and felt myself blackout, only to be brought back to reality by the current running through my body. The Nurse had turned it on full blast, probably to make up for the one the Doctor had prevented her from giving me, I felt myself slipping into a darkness I could never get out of.

This continued for a long time, I lost track of days, my memories began to fade, I began to stop caring for the mother I once loved and the sister I once looked after. They could not be a real family if they let me go through this hell.

My life became a never-ending black hole. The only things I knew were that the beautiful doctor called me Alice, and this made me warm inside and the name Mary made my skin crawl with anger. I also knew to avoid my blackouts or to cover them up as much as possible, otherwise I would have to endure that pain. I began to believe I was insane, I would cry, begging God to let me die, to let me be free of this curse. Then the pale angel with golden eyes would appear in my room, taking regular tests, asking me questions about any blackouts I had had. I began to doubt his sanity too.

One day he walked into my room, as quietly as if he were a ghost, asking me the usual questions when suddenly I fell to the ground. I saw the pale muscular body that belonged to those crimson eyes that had haunted me for so long. He leaped at me and I felt my life draining away.

"Alice! Alice, what's wrong what did you dream?" He asked, using the word dream to tell me that the Nurse was in the room. I shut my mouth from which a scream of terror was erupting.

"Him.. red … He leaped.." I managed to whisper, I heard him mutter some kind of a name but I did not care because at that moment the worst of the electrical shocks ran through me. Where did my angel go at this time, the time I needed him the most. I felt myself slipping way, into the never ending darkness, I wished that I would never resurface, I let go of everything that I knew. I let go of my sanity.

I opened my eyes, taking in my surroundings. Where was I? Everything was so clear. I could see every vein in the leaves of the trees above me; smell every type of wood in the forest surrounding me. I let my sense of smell explore my surroundings when I suddenly smelt the most mouth watering taste on the planet. I frowned as a sour taste filled my mouth as I continued to smell this amazing scent, when suddenly everything around me became hazy and I saw myself, standing over a lifeless human body, licking the last of the man's blood from my lips. I screamed in terror, the high soprano voice surprising me.

What was I? i_Who/i_ was I?

Then everything became hazy again and I saw an amazingly beautiful, pale, blonde-haired man standing in front of me. "Alice" he whispered, his somehow familiar topaz eyes looking at me with curiosity.

_iAlice/i_ I thought to myself, it sounded so wonderful coming from his lips, I needed to find this man.


End file.
